Chowrangi

I have devised the mother of all deals, a deal which should enable all crooked national assembly members to immediately multiply their billions by a factor of five. For starters, all such legislators should be allowed to amass so much that they’re able to buy two hundred thousand dollar necklaces for all their wives and mistresses within three months of getting elected. I mean, what’s the use of spending millions on getting elected if you can’t make enough in three months to buy expensive jewelery for your near and dear ones?

In less than a year, and for every year after that, they should have made enough (illegally, of course), to buy a mansion in the U.K., or a palace in Jeddah, besides having billions in Swiss bank accounts. How they’ll do it is no secret. They can indulge in sugar shortages, since quite a few of them are sugar mill owners or traders. Or they can make wheat disappear and reappear whenever they want to. Their inalienable right to perform umrah every year at state expense should be made part of the constitution. And for all the looting they do, they should be granted blanket immunity from prosecution. Oh, and just in case they feel inclined to have some of their opponents killed, the state will see that they’re released immediately on bail, if some policeman has the nerve to arrest them in the first place.

Finally, this country should be renamed Corruptistan, as it is the only country in the world where such criminals are not only never punished, they can contest elections without fear of being disqualified.

Other posts by Shakir Lakhani

• Shahbaz Sharif should ask Indian Sikh soldiers to spare Punjab! - March 17th, 2010
• Shahnawaz Bhutto was not murdered by General Zia - March 13th, 2010
• Bomb blast in Lahore - March 11th, 2010
• M. F. Hussain no longer an Indian! - February 27th, 2010
• Why not legalize corruption in Pakistan? - February 25th, 2010
• Changing names to improve health - February 15th, 2010
• Over 1700 Christians converted to Hinduism in India! - February 3rd, 2010
• Sacrificing black goats to save your skin! - January 31st, 2010
• Will Pakistan and India always be rivals? - January 26th, 2010
• Cheeta-Meharats: Indians that are Hindus as well as Muslims! - January 23rd, 2010