Chowrangi

We all love our parents undoubtedly but how important parents are for us this something that we get to know only when we are away from them, in my case I realized the importance of their unconditional support and love only when I got away from them, I missed them when I had to take care of every small thing that my mom used to do for me, from stitching buttons on my shirts and altering my clothes to cooking my favorite meals, paying bills on time and everything which my father always took care of.

It’s also true that taking parents love for granted is the easiest thing a person can do! Obviously I mean we always think that we can handle them if they have objections regarding anything we do. But sometimes things don’t go our way, at times, maintaining the bond between parent and adult child can be as challenging as that between parent and teenager.

These days, both of you are confronting new challenges — retirement or career changes, health issues, concerns about the future. It’s to be expected these issues will affect your relationship, but as you change, so, too, must your relationship with your parents change.

Of course, some things never change — Mom might still offer her unsolicited opinions on your weight and wardrobe, and Dad might still only start a conversation if it has to do with your career. The key is to love the best parts of them and learn to accept the rest as we also have to put a little effort in showing that we also care.

Here are some healthy ways to forge an adult relationship with your parents and enhance what might not always have been the strongest of bonds.

1. Think of them as fellow adults, rather than as your parents. If your parents still treat you like a kid, despite the fact that you have kids of your own, you may have to help them let you “grow up.” “Feeling and acting like an adult around your parents is the cornerstone of having an adult relationship with them,” says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., a licensed psychotherapist in Long Beach, California. “If you treat them as fellow adults, they’re more likely to treat you like one.” A simple way to do this is to ask yourself a question before each interaction with them: “How would I act in this situation if Mom or Dad was a friend or an acquaintance?” Then behave accordingly.

   According to Dr. Tessina “Don’t limit your conversations strictly to family memories, or gossip about family members, or your personal life”. There’s a whole wide world out there — why not exploring it with Mom and Dad as you would with a friend? Current events, sports, work, local neighborhood issues, or national politics (if you happen to share the same views) are all fair game.

2. Keep your sense of humor. When you’re dealing with your parents, laughter can be a lifesaver — both to help you handle the stress of dealing with sometimes touchy individuals and to help you bond together. Tell a few jokes you know they’ll enjoy, share some comics from the newspaper with them, watch the laughter shows together. If you can laugh together, you’re doing okay.

3. Tell your parents what bothers you. If you love your mom and dad but they drive you batty, your resentment can eat away at your relationship. So don’t fume up silently. Communicate, with gentleness and respect.

4. Don’t ask your parents’ advice or opinion unless you really want it. Sometimes, asking for a parent’s advice is really a way of asking for Mom or Dad’s approval. If that’s the case, remember that you’re an adult now, perfectly capable of choosing a living room carpet or a car on your own. If you ask their advice and then you don’t act upon it they are likely to get hurt. Take care of their gentle emotions and focus on the fact that they have your best interest at heart. Then make your own choice — without guilt.

5. Don’t ask your parents to help straighten out your latest personal or financial crisis. While you may depend on their emotional support, relying too much upon their resources, rather than your own, can lead to mutual resentment, says Dr. Tessina. So get used to solving your problems, big or small, on your own. You’ll be amazed how good doing it all by yourself can make you feel — and what a positive effect it can have on your relationship with your parents.

6. Create opportunities for exploring and uncovering memories. If your parents are older, look through old scrapbooks with them, asking them for stories about the people in the photos. “We help our parents discover the meaning in their lives by encouraging them to talk about their accomplishments, the high points in their lives, and the joys and sorrows they have experienced,” says Tom Swanson, Ph.D., director of support services education at VistaCare, a hospice care provider in Scottsdale, Arizona.

7. Express your appreciation for all what your parents have done for you. Mom always makes your favorite meals. Dad is a bit of a stuffed shirt, but just the other day, he came to your help whenever you need him. The point is your parents still do things for you that deserve your notice — and gratitude.

8. Look for common activities. Baking, shopping, watching movies, painting, etc. At any age, sharing a common task or activity, and the stories it engenders, is a great way to build closeness. Share your good times together and make these happy memories the foundation for new, shared activities.

9. Grant them their independence too. Sometimes it’s the grown-up kid who doesn’t want to cut the nurturing relationship off. If you are past 25 and still find it necessary to talk to Mom every night, or immediately turn to your dad for a house repair rather than your spouse, or automatically assume your parents will baby-sit the children whenever you need to be out, then you may be the problem, not your folks. They deserve freedom too.

If they are the ones taking care of us every time then we should also reciprocate them in the same way!

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