At the time of our parents, it was normal for a child to be treated like a slave and still be respectful to his parents. Many parents today treat their children in the same way that they were treated by their own parents, and when children rebel, they wonder why.
Parents today want their children to be obedient, just like they were, but they don’t realize that children today want to make their own decisions, and live a different lifestyle. While children were obedient due to fear back then, with a harsh and overly-strict parenting style, problems arise when parents want to practice the same parenting style in today’s world.
Everywhere, it is the same story. That children don’t want to meet their parents, especially fathers, once children become independent. The reality is that it is often the constant harsh treatment by fathers that is responsible for the above. Many fathers forget about their rudeness in a few minutes while it stays in the child’s memory for years.
The fastest way for hatred to develop in a child for his father is the ill-treatment of the child’s mother. Many husbands in the habit of treating their wives poorly don’t seem to realize this, and then wonder why their children don’t want to have any contact with them.
Today, it is very easy for fathers to say no to their children for even a simple request, deny them basic luxuries, rant about their own stupid life and how things were simple when they themselves was young, spend their money on nephews and nieces, brothers and sisters, and their own parents. But when their own child asks for money or something that requires money to be spent, they give their child a lecture on the value of money. Once a child grows up and stops visiting his/her father, the father himself learns the value of money.
In the over two decades that I have spent listening to Jumuah khutbas and tablighee bayans, not once have I heard about the rights of children or that children have to be treated with love and kindness. Here is a question. In tablighees fourth point, Ikraam al-Muslimeen, is Ikraam not supposed to be for children?
Many parents constantly interrupt a child when he/she is doing something and tell him/her to do it a certain way. These parents don’t realize that there are many ways of doing one thing, and when a child is told to do a thing a certain way it affects his/her self-esteem, as the child ends up thinking what he/she did it wrong.
Many children are treated like animals, some even worse, and are beaten unnecessarily. Many fathers, due to the stress of their life, take it out on their children. Very brave, I must say. Some parents slap their children over the tiniest mistakes. They expect perfection from their children in everything. How many houses have a child being slapped just because he broke a plate, or he misspelt a word. That is like teaching a child to ride a bicycle and beating him every time he falls.
Many parents are in the habit of forcing their opinions down their children’s throats. They have little regard for what their child thinks and feels. Many father’s egotistical behaviour creates intense repulsion and drives children away to the point they don’t want to talk to their father. The process of avoiding the father once becoming independent does not happen in a day. There are many children who only talk to their father when it is absolutely necessary, from a very young age. But, of course, fathers will never understand why.
Children are also human beings that deserve to be treated with love and kindness. Not like the way they are treated in many houses or madressas by jahil mullahs, who are supposedly the religious people of society, who are only good at beating little children and lecturing the rights of parents, without realizing that children also have rights in Islam.
How may fathers actually care about their children, from their children’s education to whether they brush their teeth before going to bed? Would a father even have time considering the number of kids he has, after being brainwashed by religious hypocrites (who themselves only have one or two) into having many kids. As they say in Urdu, bachche peda karke dal dete hain.